i feel like i'm not .....intellectual or creative enough for some people.

i'm in a mood......in a sappy mood....

i wanna like....be sweet to everyone that matters to me. Be the one that people say, 'aww she's so cute and sweet and will do anything for anyone"  heh, too bad that's not realistic because I have this....determined side, a dark side, and side that wants justice.  Anyway, the point being, you can't be soft and hard at the same time....or can you?  You can't really make a difference and stand firm if you let people walk all over you.  But letting people walk over you and being nice and sweet are different things, correct?  Still, I dont think i can manage it, not the way i want.

(i dont know how many grammatically incorrect things i just did above..and i really dont care; it only scares me because i'm going into teaching.  I sure hope i don't write on the chalkboard like this)

I still doubt a lot.  Do you think that impossibility just lies within our own brains?  I'm jumping between the idea that anything is possible as long as you believe it is and work through it, or that some things just aren't meant to be.  I wish I could make decisions, i'm just so dang indecisive. i ride the fence...always...except when i'm REALLY mad about an issue? right, folks who know me best?

*sigh*  words can not descibe.

so....i have this complex thought, but maybe I only think it's complex.... Sometimes I think things are amazing that other people view as ordinary. *sigh* thus is life, it's sad.  Maybe i'll share my possibly-complex-possibly-not-so-complex thought sometime.

in other news, life is going purdy good for me....maybe I really should use this site more, we'll see who actually reads it...

i do have the urge to just write deep, profound, personal things...but i'm going to fight it at the moment. I hope it doesn't go away......